The past few weeks have been a breath of fresh air.
Most of 2019, I’ve spent countless days just going with the motions. I no longer gave myself the proper time to re-coup, I constantly found myself on to the next thing. Life began to feel less like an experience and more like a chore. After all of the self-care I’d exposed myself to over the years, it was wild to me how far gone I felt from it all.
My job has left me completely winded for months. Nothing felt exciting anymore and the energy in there weighed me down like no other. I’ve been using my paid time off for the last half of July. I needed a break from it all and a chance to breathe. Two weeks later, I feel like I’ve finally caught my breath and I feel ready to take on what’s next. So, let’s have a lil’ catch up session.
A second job has been on my mind most of this year. I’ve been on four job interviews since April and took one of those positions back in May. I realized quickly though that a second serving job did nothing to better me. Kudos to those who can do it, but I could tell from the beginning that I didn’t feel comfortable with this job. I wasn’t passionate about the food they served, I didn’t like the training style, and overall, it felt like starting over in a position I had already mastered somewhere else.
On my fourth job interview today, I realized something. I only do well in new positions if it is something I’ve never done before.
If it feels like a road I have already been down and the money is similar, I see the opportunity as same situation, different walls.
Not to jinx it, but I went on a job interview at Whole Foods today. It’s for a simple cashier position, but with $15/hr, good benefits, and being a place I already adore, it feels like a great fit.
Serving has been an eye-opening experience on its own, but I feel ready to put that more on the side burner. I don’t want to leave the industry because I love the environment and easy cash flow it provides, but I’m tired of stressing myself out. Over finances, preparing for a new restaurant (our hotel was bought last year and the new company has a fresh concept,) and having a place that provided so much joy at one point do a total 180 on me.
I want to see where things go with the new restaurant and the only way I see that happening for me is if I take a step back and step in to something else more full-time.
Two weeks ago, I was still putting off going on job interviews.
Anything I applied to and got called back for, I always felt I was talking myself in to these positions.
The excitement or desire to learn wasn’t there because my inner candle had been burnt out so long ago. I felt weak for not being able to handle everything my job had been throwing at me without breakdowns and tears, but thing is, any one person is going to lose it over time. I applied to jobs last year expecting to stick with a company for the long haul to only have that company be bought out months later. The whole transition process has felt like a new job I didn’t sign up for.
Shaming yourself for needing a break isn’t fair. If your mental health feels out the window, not changing a thing to better the situation is only asking to spiral in to a depression.
I’ve touched on my battles with depression over the years, but this year has been a spiral I wasn’t expecting. I typically can pull myself out of a rut after a couple of days, but since about April, my zest for life has been minimal. I’m doing better now after my vacation, but I can hardly believe the lows I’ve hit over the past few months. It became hard for me to get out of bed earlier than 1:30pm when I was scheduled for a 3pm shift. I was stuck in the mundane and took it out on everyone around me. At work, at home, all of it.
I don’t go back to work until the 31st, but I’m already mentally preparing myself. I won’t let myself get that bad again. I owe myself more than rushed routines and a clouded headspace.
My second interview with Whole Foods is later this week. Booking that and getting things in motion already feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
It’s amazing. All of the job interviews I’ve been on this year have felt either intimidating or I didn’t care enough to prepare. Whole Foods is the first one since the hotel where I wanted to look my best, prepare, and the nerves hardly hit me. It’s that feeling of knowing you’re in the right place at the right time which, as of late, has felt foreign.
I was out with a friend last night and we got to talking about how 23 feels miles different than 22.
Obviously I’m still young in the grand scheme of things, but this is the first time I’ve really felt a need to have more of a plan than I do right now.
My resume is flooded with amazing customer service jobs I’ve had over the years, but I don’t see customer service being my end goal. At the same time, I don’t know what I’d prefer instead. It’s a whole jumble of not knowing what to do, so I’m trying to follow how I feel in hopes it’ll lead me in the right direction.
At the end of the day, a job is a job.
I find I’ve put so much weight in my positions over the years because I never finished college. Hell, I never even finished a semester. My jobs are all I’ve known post-high school. My serving job is the first time since high school where I started to relax a bit about ‘what it all means.’ I let myself be a young 20-something serving downtown and making connections. I focused less on moving my way up the job ladder and more on developing relationships with those around me. I wouldn’t change a thing even if that led to some wild ups and downs along the way.
I’m excited to see what this new chapter holds. I haven’t even gotten the job yet officially but in my mind, things are already set in stone. I found the change I’ve been searching for this year.
The fact I sat down nonchalantly and just wrote for the first time in a month, with ease, shows me things are on the up-and-up.
I can’t imagine what the last half of this year holds, but I’m feeling a good energy.
Every time I get in my head about future plans, I sit down and think to myself what the best case scenario would be. I let it run wild in my head, every little thing that gets me excited about a future endeavor. Once I let the vision reach its peak, I say a little prayer to the Universe – ‘and so it is.’
It’s one of those little things I’ve kept with me nearly three years after reading it.
You let your mind wander how far it may and feel how it feels to get everything you want from an opportunity. Once you let ‘and so it is’ out, you let the idea go and get back to your regularly scheduled life. It not only lets out all of that built up energy inside, but also relays a message to the Universe that you believe you deserve the good things in life.
So, with that in mind, let me say this.
I know thing are working out in my favor. I know I’m in the right place at the right time. I know every speed bump along the way was meant to lead you to here. You’re never going to have it all figured out, but as you can see, you don’t need to. Follow what feels good and the Universe will always deliver. I love you. You are strong as hell, and I can not wait to see how this opportunity unfolds for you.
…and, against all odds, so it is.
❤️ 😊
Optimistic outlook! 😊