Well, this week has been a strange, but good one.

My weekly schedule was a little different which threw me (we love change) but it ended up working out for the best. I’ve been busy most Fridays for the past month or two, so having one off tonight feels great. I feel more refreshed than I have in a while.

I sat down to write out my monthly goals on Monday. It was the 1st and felt like the perfect time to dive in. It’s been a fun ritual for me every month with my new planner. I still can’t believe it’s March and I’ve been able to stick to a planner. Even when I went through my crazy self-help phase, planners still weren’t something I could ever stick to. It’s felt refreshing as hell to actually keep track of my progress this year. 

 

I see where I stood in January and I already feel miles better than I once did.

 

The fact I’ve been able to write consistently again almost brings me to tears. I know these blog posts don’t seem like much, but when you lose your creative itch for two years, having it come back feels insane. I’ve actually been journaling again too. Not because I have to – I love doing it. It brings me such a sense of peace again to sit down and let out my feelings. I don’t know how I had them bottled up for so long.

Even meditation has been a blessing.

It’s wild when you let so many little things go over time; introducing them again brings such a fresh feeling.

We’re only three months into the new year and everything feels different internally. 

I felt so lost as 2020 ended, as many of us did.

 

We don’t really notice change happen in ourselves until time passes.

 

I still have a lot to learn, but I’m confident now that I’m headed in the right direction. 

I used to make YouTube videos when I first moved after high school.

It only lasted for a year, on and off, but the videos still exist online. I watched a couple the other night for nostalgia and shit, I’ve grown from such a timid girl to someone who feels confident sharing their thoughts online.

I didn’t start writing until 2016 and the videos were from the year before. 2016 was the year I fell into my spirituality, writing, and even going vegan. It’s weird that change was already five years ago. The documentation of it all shows how much growth occurred over time. I’m only 24, but these past five years have shaped me into someone the girl on YouTube would be proud of. 

I had one of my depressed days yesterday where I couldn’t focus on anything. I tried to follow my to-do list and motivate myself, but I ended up moving to my bed and laying there for an hour. I meant to write this post last night, but nothing good comes out from a bad state of mind. I hate writing from those head spaces because I find myself running in circles. I can’t get to the point or find any common ground in my work.

 

It turns into some pity party that’s better off unsaid. 

 

So, I let myself just have a bad night. I made food, watched random YouTube videos, and went to bed at 4am. 

I accepted where I was because I know those feelings pass. It wasn’t that anything was wrong, I just felt numb to it all. I didn’t want to do a damn thing. 

Thing is, the Universe is always looking out for you one way or another.

I went to bed last night with no ambition, but woke up today to one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.

It all stemmed from someone’s act of kindness.

I’m keeping the act anonymous because I was asked to, but just know this person went completely out of their way to help me out. No strings attached. No hidden agendas. No expectations. Simply helping someone out who needed a break.

It’s little acts like that where you completely feel knocked out of any problem you have.

We’re surrounded by so much bad news all the time. Media cycles find us. We have days where nothing goes right. Something happens that breaks us, even worse when it’s out of our control. 

 

It’s hard to see the good in anything when we haven’t seen evidence of good in a long time.

 

Then, you come across people who are just kind – a complete embodiment of an angel. Someone who acts not because of what they’ll get in return, but out of pure intention.

It’s the cashier giving you a free drink when something doesn’t ring up. It’s the people who let you merge on the highway when there’s back-up traffic. Pre-covid, it’s the person who smiles at you when you pass them on the street.

It’s the little acts that can make such a difference when you’re having a bad day. They keep you going. They show you there’s still good around us in a sea of darkness.

I know this all sounds corny as hell, especially if you’re not having a great day today.

It’s okay though. We all have to go through the motions sometimes. Sometimes just getting out of bed and showering is all we can muster. That’s okay too. 

The reason I’m saying all of this isn’t to make you feel bad.

 

It’s to remind you that every day will pass.

 

The days we struggle, the days we love, the days we miss.

Our worst moments don’t stay with us forever nor the ones we never want to leave. Time has no bias.

It’s for this reason that we hang on to the good ones while they’re here, as simple as they may be.

I have no clue what tomorrow will bring or even the rest of 2021, but today is a good one.

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, but I’m guilty of it. 

Sometimes having a good day almost stirs up a bit of anxiety because you feel like the other shoe is about to drop. It feels like things can’t be good without something looming around the corner. I try to shut that part of my brain down, but the thought invites itself nonetheless.

I’m been trying to get back in touch with my thoughts lately to counteract these feelings.

 

I haven’t gotten woo-woo on here in while, so let’s have a moment for it. 

 

Even when I was on my writing/self-help hiatus, I still had underlying knowledge that the law of attraction exists. Essentially what we think is what we get, like attracts like, all that jazz.

I recognize the law of attraction as spiritual truth that happens whether we’re aware of it or not.

It’s more than thinking something and expecting it to unfold it our lives. That’s how I treated it for a long time. I told myself if I just thought hard enough about something, it would have to be appear in my reality.

If I wrote down that I wanted a million dollars and tried to tell myself I had it, it’d show up. 

Thing is, the law of attraction is a lot simpler than that. 

It doesn’t respond to force or words. It responds to the energy we have around what we want. It responds to the energy we carry in our daily lives.

We can tell ourselves we want a large sum of money for months, but unless we actually believe it’s possible, we won’t see that come to life. 

We can pray for a perfect partner, but if we have repressed issues around relationships, we’re only going to attract people where our energy lies currently.

 

The law of attraction isn’t something we can trick.

 

It’s not something that we can turn on and off. It’s always there. For a better breakdown on the science of thoughts, look into Joe Dispenza. I know it’s one thing to sit here and say all of these things, but I’m no guru. I’m a girl who is only learning along the way. I’ll leave the scientific angle to the people who have far more knowledge than I do currently. 

I have imposter syndrome at times when it comes to talking about spirituality because I tell myself I don’t have all the answers.

I shouldn’t be speaking on something where I don’t know everything 100%. It’s something I’ve struggled with when it comes to writing. I want to share my thoughts and feelings on topics, but feel like a fraud. 

None of us have all the answers though. I’m not alone in that. 

 

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that just because we don’t know everything doesn’t mean our unique perspective isn’t valued. 

 

The reason I bring up the law of attraction is I use it as a reminder daily. 

When I’m having a good day and those intrusive thoughts come in that something bad has to happen now, I tell myself it’s all just thought.

On the bad days, I remind myself I’m allowed to have them and it immediately puts my thoughts at ease.

I used to spend years in negative self-talk. I’d let my head get all wound up and fall down a depressed rabbit hole. I’d believe everything my mind was trying to tell me when in reality, the thoughts were only as true as I decided them to be. 

It’s said that when we have a negative reaction to a thought, it means we believe a layer of truth there. If it wasn’t a trigger, it wouldn’t affect us.

It’s at that moment that we have to look into where the thought stems from. Sometimes we can’t right away – the sulking needs to move through us. 

Trying to find a spin on our thoughts is much different from avoiding them. 

 

That’s where toxic positivity goes wrong.

 

Many law of attraction enthusiasts use it as a way to avoid any negativity in their lives when it’s a recipe for disaster. 

Negative emotions are unavoidable. They have to come up for us to realize there’s a problem. If we avoid those emotions, we never dive deeper into where our issues lie.

When I was obsessed with self-help in 2017, I also became obsessed with shadow work. 

Any time a negative emotion came up, I would completely sit with it, look for the meaning, and try to process it.

This is good in theory, but when you’re out in the world and something triggers you, you can’t just sit down, close your eyes, and meditate that emotion away. Sometimes we’re in a scenario where we have to bury it to get on with our work days or busy lives.

This is okay to do. It’s completely normal.

 

The issues only arises when we never return to that feeling.

 

We bury it every single time it comes up. 

That’s where coping mechanisms take over. 

We grab a drink, a drug, a tv show, or even a credit card. We numb out our feelings with a distraction.

Once we’re away from our distraction though, the feeling remains. It will never pass through us if we never give it chance to be heard.

So, on days like today where I’m feeling that everything is almost going too well, I let myself explore that thought. 

 

Why do I immediately think something bad has to happen next? 

Why can’t I enjoy a good moment?

Where is the evidence of this in the past?

 

Exploring the thought and writing your feelings down brings up much more for you than letting the thought run wild.

Because, like I said, thoughts become things. I’d basically be manifesting something bad to prove to my thought process it was right for being skeptical.

 

So on that note, I leave you with this. 

 

We’re here for a good time, not a long time. (typical tinder bio but we’ll ignore that)

We’re allowed to have good things happen to us even when we don’t think we deserve it. 

It’s alright to have a bad day and sulk – just let yourself process it at some point or another. Don’t keep shit bottled up.

We’re all just doing our best out here and you’re allowed to have that same compassion for yourself. 

We make life a lot more complicated than it needs to be at times.

Take the days as they come and bring what you can. We don’t carry the same energy with us daily so wherever you’re at is where your expectations should be. Don’t spring a long to-do list on yourself when your heart isn’t in it. Pick one thing you can muster, do it, and take the day off. On those motivated days, run with it. 

There’s no formula we need to follow. It’s all in what we feel and where our gut takes us.

In the end, we never steer ourselves wrong.