You can’t connect the dots going forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. – Steve Jobs
For the past year, I have filled up nearly four journals.
If any of you are familiar with Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, you’ll know about the practice of morning pages – writing three pages of stream-of-consciousness, first thing in the morning.
You let out any thoughts that are running through your mind, no matter how minuscule or pointless they may seem. The idea is to clear your head of mental clutter and enter the day with a fresh slate. It has easily become one of my favorite self-care practices. Even on days I am out of the door by 5:45am, I still make time for my morning pages.
While journaling is beneficial in the moment, I love that it also acts as a time capsule. I can look back at the exact thoughts I was feeling a year ago today. It’s like a more in-depth, raw version of your Facebook memories.
So, a few nights ago, I was reading through old entries and my mind is blown at how much has changed in the matter of a year. As much spiritual and self-care work I took in during 2016, I realize now how much I was truly caught up in my thoughts.
I let the opinions of others get to me on a daily basis. I stressed myself out over countless to-do lists that had no business being as long as they were. I dealt with a great deal of anger over my body while claiming to those around me how healed I had become.
It was interesting to reflect on because when I recall last year in my mind, I only really remember the good moments. I remember starting my first blog, going vegan, falling in love with writing, and so on. I truly romanticized the whole thing.
Through my journals, the struggles come back to me and I mean this in the best way possible. The truth is life is always going to be a series of the good and bad, but it is how we see the bad that transforms us.
I dealt with self-esteem issues to further my self-care practice and get to the root cause of my ill beliefs.
I was an action-oriented maniac that thought the more I got done, the more accomplished I’d feel; now, I’ve learned that action only serves me when it is through alignment.
My body image struggles were the catalyst for beginning a self-care practice and the fact those issues still come up only means there is more work to do.
As Gabrielle Bernstein would say, “What would you have me learn from this?”
That goes for everything in our lives. The problems, self-doubt, the times when your world seems that it is being flipped upside down.
‘Seems that is being flipped upside down’ – here’s the catch, it never actually is.
You may feel like the ground is being pulled beneath you when in reality you’re only being set up for your next endeavor. A new path that helps you grow in ways you never thought possible in your current, comfortable life situation.
There is a lot of talk in the spiritual community about manifestation and ‘thoughts become things’ – which I believe in whole-heartedly, but I feel I need to clear it up in this context.
For those familiar with the Law of Attraction, you’ll know that your life is the essence of the thoughts that you put out into the world. The more you focus on something, good or bad, the more likely it is to enter your existence.
However, how can I possibly explain those times when you’re in alignment yet it feels like bad things are still happening to you?
Well, because those ‘bad’ things aren’t actually bad. Let me explain.
For example, you’ve been a relationship for almost four years.
In the beginning, you connected on a deep level you had never known with someone else. You planned trips together, met the family early on, and spent nights up simply talking about your future. You knew this person was your soul mate.
As time went on, the connection began to dissipate.
Suddenly, work became more important than your weekly date night; when he had time off, he spent more nights with ‘the boys’ than you’d had together in over six months.
The talks of marriage became few and far between.
The names of your future children became a joke when out of nowhere, ‘kids weren’t in the plan for him.’
You’ve been trying for months to make it work yet nothing different has come to fruition.
Being the spiritual badass that you are, you drop to your knees. You ask for a miracle and that the love you both deserve flows back into your lives.
You feel at ease knowing the Universe is on your side. You just know the problems in this relationship are going to be healed in no time.
When, not even two days later, he breaks it off.
‘I’m not happy, you’re not happy. We know this and for the sake of us both, I need to let this relationship go. I don’t feel like myself with you anymore and in my heart, I know moving on is the best choice.’
Ouch.
You ask for healing in your relationship and you’re faced with a break-up?
C’mon, tell me how thoughts become things when even during alignment, I managed to lose the most important person to me. He didn’t even give us a fighting chance.
Thing is, you were in alignment. You asked for the love you both deserved. The twist was the love you’d receive wouldn’t be from each other.
Two months later, you receive a call from your boss. He’s looking to re-locate you to New York City from your small, small town in Georgia.
Well, since your relationship ended, you don’t see much keeping you in Georgia anymore. You take the risk and move out to the city.
Fast forward six months from now and you’re in a relationship with a man you met by chance on the subway. He treats you in ways you always craved from your past partner and on top of that, living in the city has proven to be one of the most eye-opening, exciting decisions you’ve ever made.
If you were still fighting for your old relationship, you may have never made it out to New York let alone found a partner who loved you beyond compare.
Moral of the story?
The Universe is always working in your favor even during the moments you feel nothing but pain, confusion, and heartbreak.
The downfalls always lead you closer to the path you’re meant to be on. Oh and when you ask for a miracle, you bet the Universe doubles its speed. It may have been another two years before you left the old relationship and found a better-suited partner had you not asked for the miracle. Never doubt the power of your word.
If you haven’t already written it down, I highly recommend starting the practice of morning pages.
It is by far the most authentic, raw way to see your growth over a period of time. Without looking back on the little synchronicities that led you to where you are, you may experience a lot of doubt in this lifetime.
It’s easy to get caught up in our pain and see it as ‘the world is out to get me,’ however, when you have a log of all the times you went through pain and came out better because of it, you have evidence that things will always get better.
It becomes extremely comforting during those moments of pure confusion or ‘what does it all mean.’
So, head to Target. Log on to Amazon. Hell, drive on over to Dollar Tree.
Find yourself a lovely blank notebook, buy some new pens, and get ready; it is time to take back the life you came down here to lead. Today marks day one – let’s do this.