Putting my current thoughts into words seems impossible, but nonetheless, I see no use in keeping quiet – welcome to my brain dump.
Over the past two weeks, my life has taken a dramatic turn in all aspects – mental, physical, and most of all, spiritual.
I touched on being sick earlier last week and to my surprise, my health has still been rocky. It seemed like a new symptom was appearing every day – sore throat, cough, wheezing, stomach cramps, congestion, and overall, complete fatigue. It got to a point where I expected to wake up with something new. Just yesterday, I had a sore throat; Today? It is nowhere to be found.
This has never happened to me before. All of my illnesses have been extremely predictable so the fact I couldn’t kick whatever this one was, no matter what I did, left me discouraged.
I’ve recently been diving into Law of Attraction work, so in my mind, I manifested this illness. I must have had something within me that needed to be healed and nevertheless, the Universe was responding to that.
While I still believe I manifested this illness, I know now it is for far different reasons than I could have ever anticipated.
The thing is, my illness came on when I was in an incredibly good period in my life. I started getting into an exercise routine I truly loved, work became more fun, I was enjoying my reading/writing again, and everything felt easy.
I could tap into my conscious side at any moment and letting go of resistance became a daily routine.
So, when my physical health started to deteriorate, I was confused to say the least. In my mind, I had been doing everything right, so what gives?
I desperately tried to stay aligned during the first week and succeeded for most of it. I only had a single day of victim mentality and felt pretty proud of that.
However, this current week is what broke me open and as of yesterday, I found clarity – an explanation for all of this. Let me dive in.
The past three days have been heavy as hell. My vibration was at one of the lowest points I have ever experienced and no matter what I said or did, it would not budge. Those around me were concerned and I didn’t have a single explanation – a shift occurred out of thin air.
Before all of this, I was sitting in nightly meditations and visualizing my dream life. I was crying tears of joy only hours before this vibration set in. It didn’t make any sense. Nothing changed on the surface, so what happened to my demeanor?
My ego immediately wanted to blame my depression. My brain chemistry flipped and as far as I knew, that was out of my control.
Thing is though, how could I have triggered my depression when I was vibrating at such a high frequency?
Last night, I started Googling up a storm. I was determined to figure out what was going on with me.
I expected articles on methods for helping my depression or cold remedies, but I found something unexpected – ‘Signs You May Be Experiencing a Spiritual Transformation.’
To preface this, my depression was at such a low point that I honestly began to question my faith. I began wondering if I had been using spirituality as one giant coping mechanism.
The signs?
Feeling as though your life is crumbling without explanation (being on a rollercoaster for no real reason.)
Sickness or strange symptoms.
Feeling cut off from the world (and oddly okay with it.)
You occupy your body differently.
I immediately felt a shockwave through my system and everything began to click.
In this world, we are two separate beings of the same self: the non-physical and physical.
The non-physical self is our consciousness. The part of us that is aware of our thoughts, but doesn’t identify with them. The one who sees the world from an objective point-of-view. We recognize the things happening around us, but we have a deep knowing that there is more to us than what we’re experiencing as humans.
The physical self is the one the non-physical has to experience the world through. Our consciousness cannot exist without a host which is where our body and this thing we call life comes in.
Our non-physical self sits with us throughout life, maybe giving us small nudges of its existence over the years, but it ultimately waits until we are ready to open up to it. Most of us identify only with our physical body when in reality, we only exist here to help our non-physical self grow. We are not this body and our life is not all there is; the moment we become aware of this, everything will begin to feel different.
And over this past month, that is exactly what happened to me.
I was never ill – my physical body was simply struggling to catch up to my mind. It went through every possible symptom because it had never been more confused as to what was occurring. My conciousness was opening up and that became a little too heavy for my body itself to handle.
I was losing my faith and sense of self because to let in a new era of awareness, you must shed the depths of your past. You do not have to do this forcibly because as you can see, your mind has no problem rummaging through your crap once you attune to the non-physical.
At the time, you may feel like your world is falling apart, but you have no awareness of what is to come. In Josh Radnor’s latest museletter, he shared a concept that explains this perfectly.
‘There is a point and a purpose to life. I believe that deeply. We often can’t see or sense it in our darker moments – it’s hard to comprehend a story when you’re in the middle of a story – but it is there.’
When this confusion and illness first appeared, I was angry. I didn’t understand why I was attracting ‘bad’ in to my life when all I felt was connection and attunement to my universal power. Little did I know, the Universe was trying to bring me to a higher awareness.
Today is the first day I haven’t felt ill. Everything feels a little odd, but in a way I have never experienced.
I look in the mirror and see my body, but suddenly, I feel such a disconnect. I appreciate this body. I love the appearance of this body.
Yet, I know now that I am not this body, I am simply a soul embodied in it.
I think of my past relationships, career choices, and mental health issues and I am in a new light. I was never these problems. I never will be. I came down here to experience these things, but a problem? That they are not.
An opportunity for growth can never be seen as a problem.
I don’t share this experience for my own well-being, but for yours. This is not an unique occurrence.
Truth is, all of us have the power to ascend into a higher-consciousness. For some, it may occur at twenty-one and for others, a solid fifty-two. Awareness to our higher self only has the ability to occur when we are open to the idea of it. If this all sounds a bit woo-woo, you may not be there yet and there is no shame in that.
Enjoy life as it comes and embrace the opportunities before you, but all I ask is that you keep this in the back of your mind. This idea of a self that is not here.
Remember it for years to come and I promise you, without a doubt, a synchronicity will occur that breaks the resistance.
The time will come. It always does.