I’ve had a busy week this week.

It’s been one of those weeks where you have something to do daily and don’t really get a moment to yourself. Even when you do, all of the things you have to get done are still weighing on you.

I’m trying to take it moment by moment, but shit, sometimes you just need to slow down. 

I’m having a night to myself tonight to unwind and I figured let’s just start writing and seeing where our head is at. I feel like I write better when I don’t think too much into it, I just start going for it, y’know?

It’s blowing my mind that we’re almost in to April. My life feels so different from what it was months ago, even a year ago.

When we’re going through a transition period in our lives, we hardly pick up on it at the time. 

It’s only as time passes and we look back that we really see the change we underwent. I knew after last October, my life would be different, but I truly didn’t expect to be where I am now. 

For the past two years, I lost a lot of the things I used to define about myself. I used to see myself as someone who wrote and focused deeply on my own life. I cared a lot about my own self-care and where I stood when it came to day-to-day living.

I didn’t realize how much I let those parts of me go until I was forced to be alone with myself and my time again. Losing jobs and a consistent relationship frees your time in ways you can’t anticipate. It’s something I’m highly grateful for now though. I’ve grown to see myself as an individual again than a character in other people’s lives.

It’s not a bad thing to focus your energy on other people especially when they’re people you care about. You end up doing it without thinking much of it. However, when we don’t have our own legs to stand on anymore, you feel like you lose a part of yourself when those people or jobs are no longer a part of your routine. 

I’m still plenty social with people now, however, having a few months to ground myself really showed me how long it had been since the only person I had was myself. 

I’ve learned recently that if you don’t have yourself to back you, you’ll look for validation elsewhere. You don’t trust your own opinions of who you are so you need others to create opinions for you. 

It’s logic I’ve preached for a long time, but those bits of wisdom always hit different when you have realizations first hand. Sometimes it takes experiencing life to be able to understand it.

 

You can read all the books in the world or ask for advice, but until you’re face-to-face with your own issues and insecurities, you never know how you’ll react. It’s from those reactions that you begin to dissect where you are.

 

I’m happy with where I am in this moment, but I also know that taking care of myself is a daily choice. I could go off the rails and be reckless if I wanted to, but in the end, I know that’s not what I truly want. I know in my down moments that succumbing to them will only hinder my future self. Sometimes we need to keep the best versions of ourselves in mind when we make choices. It’s hard to realize the weight of what we do until we do it. 

However, life is too random to plan out every moment of it. We can’t predict where our moments of wisdom will come from. We have no idea how little choices or actions we make will lead to other events in the future. It’s fair to have an idea, but the outcome isn’t up to us. 

All we can really do is try our best and hope for that best.

I think that’s where I get caught up on weeks like this.

I never really give myself a chance to slow down and I end up just going through the motions. 

I make plans or have things I need to do that weigh on my mind, so instead of being in the moment during them, I focus on the next thing. It’s no way to live. 

I haven’t had a breakdown or anything which is always a plus, but I shouldn’t let myself get to a breakdown before I start analyzing my feelings.

I tend to let things power over me instead of addressing my feelings as they come up. I let the actions around decide my next move without consulting myself first. I’m not consciously acting. I’m solely acting.

Yes, we all have bad days or weeks, but I’ve found the best moments in my life come from when I let everything go around me and go inner. 

 

If we act without seeing our reasons for it or push through our lives to please those around me, that’s where the breakdowns come from. It’s when we become so far disconnected from our emotions that they have to let themselves out eventually.

 

I’ve had a good week honestly. Nothing bad has happened and I got a lot done. It’s just the underlying feeling that I wasn’t really present for it that’s bothering me. 

Sometimes we feel like we need a break from everything but life has to go on. There’s shit to do and things we want to accomplish. We have to take moments to step back though.

It’s when I get into cycles of getting everything done, but not caring about my emotional state that I end up far worse off. 

I have more to do tomorrow, but for tonight, this is it. I’m writing for a bit and then I’m going to do whatever the hell I want to do. No stress, no deadlines, just letting myself have a relaxed night. 

It sounds so simple writing it out. 

Obviously if you feel burnt out, the best solution is to take a step back and relax.

It’s hard to convince yourself in the moment though. You get caught up in your own head or can’t seem to turn your ‘go-go-go’ switch off. 

Thing is, everything will get done eventually. We don’t have to rush through it. What you didn’t get to today can always be done tomorrow. A plan you made for this week can be put off for the next if you’re not fully down for it. We tend to forget that we have more power in our lives than we realize. Work schedules can’t be worked around, but how we spend our free time can. 

If you don’t make it to the grocery store, order some takeout for the evening. It’s okay. Make a list and go a different day.

If you need to put laundry away that’s been sitting for a week, relax. It’s just clothes. Pour a glass of wine, turn on some music, and make it more therapeutic than a silent chore of organizing clothes.

If you have plans with someone, but shit comes up in your personal life, postpone it. People are never as mad about that as we make them out to be. 

 

Half of our worst case scenarios only live in our heads. They never actually come to fruition.

 

It’s when we take time to slow down and see what we want to do rather than what we have to do that we find the sense of ease we crave.

Even when you have things that must get done, adding a layer of fun to it can make or break how you feel about it. 

I knew I had to write this post in the back of my head, but instead of sitting here trying to plan up some huge outline and crunching a 3000 word post, I’m laying in bed with a beer, listening to good music, and just seeing what happens. 

I’ll get super in my head at times about writing when in reality the second I start, I forget why I was so stressed about it. 

I’ll get intimidated by a blank page and think I have nothing to say when here I am, 1500 words later, and I’ve been chilling the whole time.

We build things up in our heads so much more as we put them off. 

There’s even times where I’ll put off washing my hair for more than my normal 2x a week schedule because it seems like too much work. The second I do it though, I realize how big of a deal I made about it. I sit there happy that my hair is clean again and the thought that bugged me for 24+ hours ceases to exist. 

So, while I’ve had this busy week of plans and errands, I also know stressing about it was only making it feel 10x worse. I could’ve been more present in a lot of the things I did, I just let the stress one-up me. 

It happens though.

 

You realize things you want to change or how you respond to life and learn from it. It’s all just data in your brain of what to try out next time. 

 

My goal going in to the next few days is just to enjoy my time. Everything will get done when it gets done. There’s no rush. There’s a lot of hours in a day and a lot more life to live.

Our thoughts are merely thoughts. We don’t have to mend to their every wish or go down every dark, stressed path they take us down.

They exist to help guide us, not control us. 

So, I’m taking a break from them tonight. I’m shutting off the social media and turning the phone off for a bit. 

I’m spending some much needed time alone to zone out and let myself recharge.

The world will always be there when we want to tune back in. 

Taking a step back once in a while is how we’re able to stay present throughout those stressful weeks or moments. It’s staying grounded with ourselves keeps us grounded in this world.

At the end of the day, there’s a lot less to worry about than we think.

Tune out, hone in on you, and pick up the pieces when you’re ready again.

I promise, our lives will exist on the other side.